Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse can take many forms. It’s not just physical abuse but also includes coercive and controlling behaviour. Anyone experiencing domestic abuse is encouraged to seek help.

The examples below are not an exhaustive list, but give some idea of what form controlling and coercive behaviour could take.

Abuse that has the effect of:

• Making someone dependent on or subordinate to the abuser
• Isolating someone from their friends, relatives or other sources of support
• Controlling, regulating or monitoring someone’s day to day activities
• Depriving someone of, or restricting their freedom of action e.g. controlling their phone/communication access or access to money
• Frightening, humiliating, degrading or punishing someone e.g. abusive name calling, playing mind games that causes someone to doubt their sanity

You are not alone in this. Remember that you are an expert in your own situation and only take on advice that feels safe and relevant to you. It is important to try and think about the things that may change or make you more unsafe, especially thinking through now how you might get help if you need it.

Below are things you might want to think about:

• Support from family, friends and neighbours – Can you talk to someone you trust about what you are experiencing and what your concerns are?
• Could you set up with someone you trust a check in call so you know that someone will contact you at certain times of the week.
• Have a code word/sign to signal you are in danger – set this up for family and friends to let them know by text/FaceTime/Skype. The code will need to alert them to contact the police if you are in danger. Teach the code to children who are old enough to understand what you are asking of them and why.
• If you don’t want a record of the web pages you’ve visited, you can delete some or all of your browsing history.

Safety planning suggestions

If you had to leave in an emergency do you know where you would go?

If someone you trust is doing your shopping for you could you write a message on the shopping list asking for help?

Have a bag packed ready and if you can, leave this at a trusted friend/family/neighbour’s home. This should contain medical essentials, important documents including passports/driving license.

Download our easy read information guide below:

What is Domestic Abuse

How to help someone else

If you suspect that a neighbour or a friend, may be suffering from domestic violence, including coercive and controlling behaviour, there are ways in which you can help.

• Call Scotland’s Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0800 027 1234.
• Listen without blaming. There are many women and men in the same situation.
• It takes trust to share experience of abuse. Don’t push them for details if they’re not ready.
• Acknowledge they are in a frightening and difficult situation.
• Tell them no one deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what their abuser has said.
• Encourage them to express their feelings.
• Allow them to make their own decisions – don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they’re not ready.
• If they have suffered physical harm, accompany them to get medical assistance.
• Help them report any assaults to the police, if they so choose.
• Be ready to share the support contacts above.
• If they don’t already know, tell them the law has changed to include coercive and controlling behaviour.

Helping someone leave an abusive relationship:

• Let them create their own boundaries of what is safe and unsafe.
• Offer them the use of your home and/or phone number to leave info and messages.
• Offer to look after an emergency bag, if they want this.
• Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation e.g. offering to talk to the abuser.

You have the right to ask if your partner has a history of domestic abuse. This is done through Police Scotland’s ‘Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse Scotland’. It also allows concerned relatives and friends, the right to ask about someone’s partner. Find out more about checking a partner’s history of abuse.